Why is change so hard?
Change alters our status quo; we’re at ease where we are. Change moves us out of our comfort zone.
Changing habits takes energy and often requires learning new skills. We may feel overwhelmed, have a fear of failure, or want instant results with minimal effort.
Our inner voice speaks loudly
Even when we know the benefits of change, our internal safety mechanisms can be activated, causing feelings of anxiety.
We may fear we’ll be missing out on the things that bring us comfort and a sense of security (think favorite foods, discomfort from beginning an exercise routine, or changing our schedules).
Our internal commentary may amplify fear of failure. We may lack confidence that we can make habits stick.
So we might procrastinate or unintentionally self-sabotage our efforts to change.
Especially when starting out, we subconsciously want instant results as feedback we’re on the right course. When we don’t get the reward, we justify that change is hard and may return to old habits.
Why do we resist change?
Resistance to change comes in many forms. We might think we can't change due to:
- Time management and overwhelm,
- Worrying about failure, or
- Believing we can get instant results with minimal effort and giving up when that doesn't happen.
Often we displace blame on having too many obligations. We already feel overextended, so we never start new habits.
This is particularly evident in dietary advice.
When I studied health coaching at IIN, we were taught over 100 dietary theories!
If you’ve ever started a new diet, whether to lose weight or improve your health, you might know the difficulty of change. Work, family, cultural or family customs, and traditional comfort foods, make it easy to derail the best of intentions.
Some are persuaded through targeted advertising to buy the latest quick-fix, a supplement, meal replacements, or advice for keto, paleo, etc. They can help, but are the results lasting?
There’s a lot of influence, distraction, and promises.
With all the conflicting advice, what can you do to improve your health and feel good about? This study says one thing that contradicts another. Ugh.
So, what’s a person “supposed” to do?
It seems like confusion is the point, yes? We’re like a squirrel in a grand experiment; the most delectable nut is over there, look here, buy this, try that. A person could spend a small fortune to find the holy grail of the “best diet” and still not sustainably reach their goals. Ugh, again.
Advertising tells us, “this” is the way to solve your health problem, get healthy, lose weight, and so on. And they share their hard-to-believe success stories.
Quite obviously, there is no one-size-fits-all health plan.
Searching for solutions
Patients come to their appointments armed with their phones, poised to search for “the truth” or sometimes to contradict the professional in front of them (CDC, 2023). But is the online source really more knowledgeable?
The results of a survey I sent to a few clients showed that almost all tried to find solutions to their health problems with an internet search.
The strategy of getting answers online is a one-sided conversation that doesn’t take into consideration the person’s unique constitution or history. Often it provides an overwhelming volume of information and may not be derived from reliable sources.
If we happen to land on a solution that “clicks” with our beliefs about health, we have tremendous enthusiasm and vow to make changes stick. We feel better, we start losing weight, skin conditions resolve, and so on. But before long, some of us fall back into our previous habits and lifestyle.
Why change doesn’t last
Eventually, despite our good intentions, we are likely to revert to previously established habits. Have you ever experienced the cycle of start-stop, taking 3 steps forward, and finding yourself back at your starting point?
For example:
- Social support sometimes devolves into following the herd to eat, drink, and be merry.
- You go out to eat, overindulge, switch to self-loathing, and self-defeating actions.
- Boredom with "Frankenfood" leads to cravings for our favorites, whether it’s chips (salt and oil) or chocolate chips (sugar and fat).
- Our brain signals from childhood experiences cue us to the reward of satisfaction (dopamine fix).
Help for resistance to change
First, we have to have hope and intention to change. Think about the outcome you want to achieve and why you want it.
Having hope colors our state of mind with optimism, confidently believing that we can reach your goals. Having an intention aligned with your beliefs, about health for instance, will make your work toward the desired outcome personal.
Begin with a goal that is aligned with intention
What’s the difference?
Your goal is the basis for measuring your progress toward the end point. For example, “I want to lower my blood pressure by x points”. Goals focus on outcomes.
An intention is wrapped up in your “why”. What motivates you toward the desired outcome? For example, “I want to live a long and healthy life without the burden of heart disease” or “I want to live long enough to see my grandkids grow up” or “I want to lower my risk of a heart attack or stroke”.
Simple, but not always easy
The change process takes determination, fortitude, and resilience.
Determination: a firm commitment that will lead to a desired outcome.
Fortitude: strength of mind despite challenges.
Resilience: capacity to positively adapt to adversity and grow.
Setbacks will happen but how you respond to them makes the difference between giving up or brushing yourself off and getting back on the trail. So, this is what is meant by simple yes, but easy? Not so much. Do you brush yourself off after a setback and keep going or do you give up because change is hard?
I hope this helps clarify why change is so hard. It would be great to have the instant gratification of reaching our goals without effort and time. Working on our goals is not nearly as satisfying as a bowl of ice cream or a piece of chocolate cake!
Changing our habits, schedule, and preferences takes determination and fortitude. Building resilience will make us stronger each time we resolve to commit to the right actions.
Read the next article to get a 5-step plan to reach your health goals.